Tierra reflects on her COVID year
Whew. What a year. I’ve had so many huge changes that my life is looking pretty different these days.
March 2020
I had three kids: The OG, Two and One.
I worked as a high school special education coordinator. My kids went to daycare. I loved having time with adults and teenagers at work, and I loved that missed my kids at the end of each work day. I felt like a great mom.
I owned my family’s home in Southeast DC. I loved my neighborhood before I had kids, but weekly shootings in the parking lot behind my house made me scared to take my kids outside to play.
I was five months pregnant and weighed 200 pounds. I could wear my regular non-pregnant clothes. My only concern with my body was whether I looked “pregnant enough.”
I hoped my one and only medical school interview, on Valentines Day with a university in Detroit, would turn into an acceptance.
I struggled with antenatal anxiety: the baby was going to die, I was going to die, my husband and other children were all going to die. My daughter’s due date was the same day her big sister coded then never woke up. I scheduled a C section to avoid that day and exert some control over a situation that made me feel wholly out of control.
I didn’t have a lot of confidence when it came to clothes and hair. Sensible flats and thrift store dress pants for me. I even had bangs, which are an obvious sign of deep-seated self loathing.
My hobbies were dining out and cookbook club. I also did some outdoor gardening, since my cat ate all my houseplants. I loved to read, but never finished books before starting the next one.
March 2021
I have four kids: (counterclockwise from top left) Baby Girl, Two, The OG and Three.
I quit my job because the school head decided to reopen school in person, and HR started acting funny about an accommodation to keep working from home. Now I’m a stay at home mom and it feels like I’m barely doing the minimum. I keep my kids quiet while my husband teaches virtually. My mom does online class with my three year old, so I can wrangle the two youngest. I’m always home and always with my kids. I miss having an outlet, but I stand by my choice to quit and keep my immunocompromised children safe.
I sold my house, moved into a tiny three bedroom apartment on Capitol Hill, and paid off all my student loans. We’re using the money left over as the down payment on a dream of a house in Michigan.
I’m seven months postpartum and weigh 240 pounds. I don’t love how I look, but I’m more concerned about how bad my body always feels. My neck, my back… my chest and my knees constantly hurt. I have a hard time getting comfortable, even to sleep. I’m in the middle of a meatless March, which has forced me to make some pretty major changes to my diet. But the weight isn’t coming off without exercise, and right now, I’m making excuses about not having time for it.
That Detroit school waitlisted and then rejected me. So I applied to 19 medical schools in my second application cycle. As of today, I’ve had five interview invitations, three interviews, one waitlist seat, and an acceptance at my first choice program. So it turns out we’re still moving to Michigan! Just not Detroit.
I’m on the other side of the postpartum depression and anxiety tunnel. I have a psychiatrist and a therapist. With their help, I’m doing well enough that I now when I talk to them, I feel a little silly, because I feel great. But I keep seeing them, since that’s what grownups do.
Gaining a significant amount of weight forced me to think a lot more about what makes me look and feel good. For a long time, I was so worried about looking like the white girl from Hustle and Flow if I got braids or locs. Now I’ve done my own crochet locs and flat twists, when I never had the time, skill or guts to try before. I replaced most of my wardrobe one piece at a time. I’d say about 75% is black and gray, in order to focus on fit and construction instead of matching. My shoes, sweaters, masks and other accessories are bright and colorful. I love most things I wear now.
I paint and grow houseplants and vegetables from scrap. Right now, I’m refinishing my two oldest kids’ crib for a friend who is trying to get pregnant. I still can’t finish a book. But I did start this blog with my friends, so now I get to write all the time.
A malcontent with a heart of gold, Tierra is a first-year medical student, former high school teacher and history PhD candidate, plus mom to four of Bebe’s baddest kids. She curses a lot. Tierra is a DC native but lives in southwest Michigan and will happily exchange writing (hers) for cash (yours).
